4.03.2018

Always know that I love you.

A dear friend made sure to tell me that no matter how far away or how long it had been... she wanted me to know she loved me.

Sometimes I have no clue how I get through my days much less navigating this world basically alone as a force of one.

And then a friend says something like that and everything lightens up and that nagging loneliness that's sometimes there is gone for a bit.

I say the same to my friends... but I don't always let in that they care too. This one resonated. And that feeling is carrying me through.

Sometimes it's just a cup of coffee, tacos, music, sunrises, maybe some more coffee, or just slowing down to appreciate each other.




4.01.2018

Julien Baker.

I seem to uave fallen down a hole..

A hole called watching endless Julien Baker videos.  That young lady has a sound.. it’s so good.

I have gone through her Tiny Desk Concert, two live 30 minute sessions and now am watching a video of a show she did in Brussels. She is like 20 yeara old and mad talented. Also articulate and educated. What’s not to totally love here? I mean.. I am fairly jaded and this really checks my boxes for worthy of all the attention she gets.

I did that rabbit holing to pay homage to Easter. When you don’t have religion, you do what you do. And today it was laundry, yardwork, vacuuming, and rearranging the other room in the house a bit to get ready for all that vinyl that is coming down here from Tucson  this is all after I drove in from The Baked Pueblo with a car full of stuff.

There is a pile of pillows four feet high on the couch and I am nestled into a empty space in the corner. The pillows and the twin bed go back over to the other house in a day or two. The house is not completely disembowled... I kept going on the projects as best I could. Low energy this whole weekend made for lackluster progress, but I showed up and definitely did things.

I am worried about The Mother Unit’s eye.. maybe it’s not quite right. She has an emergency follow up in the am that I am not going to be at. Just gonna have to cross my fingers and hope nothing really yucky had happened in the early stages of this recovery.

I can’t fix it.. that’s for sure. Music soothes the mind in a big way. And right now Julien Baker is helping greatly.

3.30.2018

It could be happening.

This has been a roller coaster week.

A few really great things happened the most important being The Mother Unit finally had her first cataract surgery! She seems to be recovering well and should be on track for the other eye in a month. However, she did get quite ill from the anesthesia. That was tough and involved barf boxes (plural) and some cleanup. She was miserable. Medical marijuana sublinguals saved the day when we got back to Starfishy homebase. I am excited for her to get her sight back to a higher quality and maybe get to read a book or actually see her tv.

I also got a good hang with my pal Cathryn who has always been a great friend and confidant. Since the election and having seen my bestie go to her husbands side more  I have been without anyone really close to me to confide in. It’s a tremendous hole in my life and heart. We still see each other, but maybe monthly vs a few times a week. So my heart was filled up on so many levels by getting time with Cathryn.

And last, but not least..
That bucket list show I have been working on bringing to Bisbee may be happening. I got a
text from the artist yesterday pitching a date and I in turn emailed the booking agent and made an offer. Now I wait to hear. It would truly be a great accomplishment for me. Just like the 5 years of working to get Mia Dyson here.. this current one has been more than 10 years in the wanting.


3.22.2018

What am I seeing here?














This. Is. The. Purple. Death.

I just spent an hour disassembling my dishwasher and fishing this fucking purple gasket from a plastic storage thingy out of the bowels of the appliance.

This is the kind of dumb stuff you have to do when you live too far from a reputable appliance repair person.

The end result?

I just fixed my own dishwasher and didn't have to spend a dime.

I feel accomplished and of course, caffeinated.


3.17.2018

Baked Pueblo.

Heading to The Baked Pueblo again to try and make more progress in the cleaning out of The Mother Unit's house to get it ready for sale.

This is way more emotional than I had ever bargained for and has me moving much slower than I would have hoped. I'll get it done, but I am a month behind schedule.

It's a beautiful morning, so one moment at a time oughta serve me well. Go do what you can is my motto.

And stay away from all St Patty's Day anything.

3.10.2018

Phoenix.

That northern area called Phoenix is a chore.

Maneuvering around its streets and freeways is not my idea of a good time, but I managed to do most of that during non rush hour times. Judging by the response to my pitches at all of the Whole Foods stores, I believe we will have all of them ordering coffee in the next couple of weeks.

Patting myself on the back and being grateful as hell for the chance to go out and futher this coffee revolution. There is coffee on those shelves that is nowhere near as good as ours for double the price. We may not be the best at marketing, but we got the flavor and the love.

Getting to see k.d. lang on Thursday didn’t suck either.
Holy shit that show was fantastic! Highly recommend seeing the Ingenue Redux Tour! Then sprinkle in some visits with friends up there and you have a very heartwarming experience in a city I can easily do without. I’m tired and have too much to do today but I’ll plod thru and hopefully make it home for The Return of the Turkey Vulture Parade and the Tales From The Trash at Central School.

No rest for the wicked.

3.05.2018

BBQ.

Sometimes you just need a good bit of something on a grill.

I did that up for The Mother Unit on Saturday. Ribeye, baked potato, sweet peas and some laughter. It was sparked by some of her lab results indicating some red meat might be a good thing for her.  There is a reason I left the bbq grill at her house... and this is it.

The weather was beautiful, there was progress made at her house getting things out, and my brain is not too taxed but I am once again behind on my own chores at home, but that just means double duty today and tomorrow. I can deal with that. This is all temporary. I guess everything is temporary in the grand scheme of things.

We Cancerians don't naturally let go of ideas or things. It's a process.. to put it gently.

I think this week is gonna fly by. Too much on deck. But at least I am not bored or floundering. I'll take it.

2.28.2018

Weather

It was super cold, and downright crappy weather driving in this morning. Certainly not used to that these days. I have become a fair weather driver. My funny little Scion does ok, but it’s times like this I kinda long for a higher profile vehicle.

I’ll be honest..
I have been dreaming of getting my little canned ham trailer from my pal who has been keeping it safe and converting it into a little coffee and donut cart. Would need a beefier truck to pull it.. Just a little thing to make some extra money and try to do something fun. I have no real interests/hobbies other than pinball and music. I am gonna need something to focus some creative energy on.. my creative joo joo is not extensive, but at some point I gotta either get the trailer back or give her the title and say thanks for taking care of it.

Purging stuff and being aware of the amount of unfulfilled dreams and ideas attached to things is a weird process. It is a real journey. No sounding board, and somewhat rudderless, I am doing all I can as I continue to clean out my mom’s house and get things gone. This is kinda hard. Some fun would be nice.

2.12.2018

Shipwrecked.

I am going into the Folk Alliance Conference with no cell phone.

So far life has been pretty damn fine without the damn thing and I may just have to make more of a habit of forgetting my phone. Of course I felt like a dumbass and panicked initially, but I can do my job just fine one way or another.

I am not in demand, I know where I need to be, and I have coffee.

I'll be fine.

I hope.

2.03.2018

Heathers.

Choosing to watch vhs movies while going through stuff tonight. First was Repo Man.. now Heathers. Sets a mood, that’s for sure.

There is more stuff here that needs true going through and care than I had any idea about. The pictures of four generations are overwhelming. I do feel an obligation to be respectful. And so I am being just that. I’ll take them all to Bisbee and store them.

A good size truckload of stuff will be going to a thrift shop, and a load of stuff will come home with me. Yhis has to get done. There is a little bit of order peeking through the chaos here and the yard sale/estate sale will get a bunch of the chaos cleared out.  None of this is easy.

Stay the course. Do what you can. That’s my motto.


1.18.2018

The loss of a friend.

Posting here has always been cathartic.

Sometimes funny.
Sometimes sad.
Always honest.

Today as I went to call my pal Glo to wish her happy birthday I was greeted with the message that her phone has been disconnected. This means that she is jetting around the universe and beyond, having a blast and no longer burdened by this planet and it's screwiness. I have lost someone who has known me my entire life.

And nobody told me she was gone...

She said her family would have a list of folks to notify in the event of her passing and that I was on it. I didn't want to get that call, but it's inevitable.

But shit... to call and be ready to wish her happy birthday and get a disconnect message was a definite call my ass into the present moment. We spoke every couple of months... and laughed really hard through most of those conversations. I'll miss her being one of my biggest cheerleaders.

With The Mother Unit in the hospital with a fair bit of pneumonia, now is not the time to break this news to her. They were coworkers at KTLA a gazillion years ago.  And her eyesight is so bad, I don't think she checks this blog anymore.  It's safe to say I got the feels around my family stuff. Glo was family in my world.

I'm gonna hold onto her laugh in my heart. I can hear it loud and clear.


1.11.2018

A brief summary.

In the waning months of 2017 and into 2018 I was best-friendless.

I have grown apart from my bestie.. or rather, she has grown apart from me. The distance has hurt me deeply, but not as big a trauma as it would have been if I were younger. Still a heartbreaker, but there are lessons to be learned.

I have to get my arse in gear and get The Mother Unit's house sold.

There are good people in this world. Bisbee is still drawing some wonderful human beings into its sphere.

My love and appreciation for my mom are one of the things that are keeping me moving forward.

I have sadness and gratitude residing in my body most days.

2018 is going to be a challenge. I hope to meet that challenge with grace.




12.31.2017

From the 84th to the end of the year.

It's been a good week.

The Mother Unit turned 84 on Thursday, and that day was pretty awesome. The shortened work week went well, and the weekend was not what I had expected in that I ended up cooking kapama on Saturday to take over to a friend's to celebrate her birthday. I had also decided to try my hand at brioche! So my time was filled with bready experiments and crafting one of my all-time favorite dishes.

Kinda worked out perfectly as I decided that going out into the crazy night for NYE held absolutely no appeal for me this year. I had leftover kapama as the last meal of 2017... it was delicious! And I am currently watching Sigur Ros recorded at the Walt Disney Concert Hall with the L.A. Philharmonic. And that is fantastic in its own right, but couple that with the fact that yesterday I watched the livestream of Sigur Ros' last show of the year from Iceland and you essentially have a weekend of incredible music and visuals paired with food and friends. While watching listening yesterday, I wept.. in between the brioche, and the final hour of kapama making was this dynamic bunch of music that really hits me. Every time.

Feeling pretty fortunate tonight. My tiny bubble of a Shangri-La that I live in has taken good care me the last few days. I'll just say I'm hopeful and willing to be open to what's next. 

And I'm grateful for Sigur Ros...



yes... the almost 2-hour concert from Walt Disney Concert Hall.

Happy New Year indeed.